No, I am
not providing seller financing. No, I'm not giving a 'credit for new
carpet'. No, I'm not
giving a 'credit for paint'. No, I won't rent it
with an option to buy. No, I won't pay your cousin a 'finder's fee'.
I don't give a damn that he's the one who told you about the house.
(Right now I'd like to kick your cousin's ass for ever giving you my
phone number.) It's 'kind of small'? Well, I suppose if there are
eight of you, then yeah, I guess it might be... You'll give me how
much? You realize that's $25,000 less than I paid for it a year ago?
I'm asking way too much? Uh-huh. Well, there's a house several
blocks west of here that's closer to your price range. However, it's
on a much smaller lot, it's 550 sq. ft. smaller, it's only a 2/1, it
doesn't have a pool, it's a different (not as good) school
district...oh, and it burned, almost completely, over a year ago.
Yeah, but they're still asking for $30,000 more than you just offered
me. No, I'm not kidding. You want the address? Well, thanks for
coming. Sure, I'll call you if I decide to lower the price another
$80,000. You bet. Take care. Bye.
(20 minutes later) What? No, I'm not drunk yet, but then again, there's still some wine left. Check back with me in an hour.